I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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