i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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