Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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