i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
