I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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