I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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