So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
