I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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