she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
