i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
