I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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