ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
the night ended with taco bell and tears
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
