hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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