im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
