i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I have feelings that need drinking.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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