I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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