rhymes with "ouble enetration"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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