Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Congratulations! We have a period
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize