So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
