just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
