Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
