you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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