just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
