have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
