Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
