I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
whose parrot is this?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
