found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
