Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
