You're my little dorito
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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