I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You pole danced in your parka.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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