i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
