you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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