you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
