There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
