Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
