I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
