No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
