11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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