all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
