He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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