do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Your dad touched me again.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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