sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
