Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
