I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
