Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
someone owes me an orgasm
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I currently don't understand fingers.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
