My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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