upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So apparently I’m into choking now
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
