How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
