Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
