Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
