Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
