Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
