last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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