everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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