Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
