woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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