he wants to bone in the snuggie
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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