Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
3 2 1 whiskey
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I would ride that face into the sunset
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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