everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
