I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
