I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
