I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Enjoy the penises
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
