i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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